a waste

The last few months I have been living with this couple.
Yeah, you know, the kind who buy everything in doubles. They fit together, like a puzzle.
And I love their love and I am thankful that someone actually
receives the prize that was promised by all those fairy tales that drugged us.
And they still do me. I'm sick, lonely, no laurel tree, just green envy.
Will my number come up eventually? Like Love is some kind of lottery,
where you can scratch and see what is underneath. It's "Sorry",
just one cherry, "Play Again." Get lucky. - Bright Eyes from Waist Of Paint

So this song is amazing by the way everything by Bright Eyes is amazing. this song brings up today's topic of my post Love and Fairy Tales.

It is so true its so hard to find a love that is like a fairy tail. We find love but its nothing compared to the epic and classic stories that drugged us since we are little children. we sit expecting more than we have or that we'll ever get.Just last night or this morning you could say, i couldn't sleep at all this has been a regular occurrence. So i had been talking to my ex the whole night both of us not being able to sleep its around 4 in the morning and i decide to call it a night. then around 4:45 i swore i heard a tap on my window so i sit and listen... and nothing. My mind must be playing tricks on me because as i was listening for an other knock my mind began to wander thinking maybe that was so and so at my window on a horse with flowers.. no wait there was no horse or flowers. but he's standing there telling me he's sorry and he can't live with out me and that most of all he loves me and it genuine and true. but no these things never happen. they are just let downs brought on my our subconscious. I don't mean to sound like a pessimist. Just i've never been to lucky with love. i'm on the same page as Conner on this... as if love is like some lottery. waiting for our number to come up.. scratch and see, that you lose. but still at the beginning of the line it talks about those who are lucky to receive that love... the love that we all want and need. I've seen it, so it is true. I'm not asking for a fairy tail love story... I'm just asking for something real.
anyway i must sound like a giant sap. i' normally not like this, i'm mostly content on my own but as of late i've been wanting more i'm not quite sure what it is.. but some thing feels missing.

And try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart and my absent God
and I have no faith but it is all I want,and to be loved and to love and believe in my soul, in my soul...

the last few lines of the song get me every time.

well here is a video to the song enjoy.