I've noticed a trend to my blogging. Seems to me that i only post things frequently after my heart has been broken. why is this so? not too certain... but if i can take a guess. more free time away from that certain person of interest =alone time, being heart broken = pain which adds fuel to my creativity, being without that person makes me feel empty = lots of thinking to fill the spaces= no sleep = me writing posts at 3 in the morning.
So boys keep braking my heart.
no please don't
Sunday, December 27, 2009
a void
do you ever wake up in the morning feeling empty
breathing feels (use)less
AIR
just passes through your lungs
deep breaths leave you
L o n g i n g
for more of what you cant have
yet you still wake up and smile and push through the day
tears have all vanished and
replaced with fears
D
O
U
B
T
just a void
this emptiness bring
something that i love and miss
CREATIVITY n DRIVE
it makes me want to brake past this destitution
and prove that
i am more
than
The Hollow Men
breathing feels (use)less
AIR
just passes through your lungs
deep breaths leave you
L o n g i n g
for more of what you cant have
yet you still wake up and smile and push through the day
tears have all vanished and
replaced with fears
D
O
U
B
T
just a void
this emptiness bring
something that i love and miss
CREATIVITY n DRIVE
it makes me want to brake past this destitution
and prove that
i am more
than
The Hollow Men
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
still in love with my darling little Nicki
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Nicki!
Nicki is my dearest friend and today she turns 22... I love you much my little hippie, gangster lover of a friend. may you achieve many things that you wish to this year. I know you can. Love you girl. Now lets party.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
quiero que me quieras
The now infamous Cheap Trick cover song off the brand new soundtrack to Rudo y Cursi.The film's character Tato "El Cursi" Verduzco (played by Gael Garcia Bernal) sings the track. I'm thinking i really need to see this movie i love Gael Garcia Bernal.
this video is a good laugh hope you enjoy it as much as i did.
and here is the trailer to them film.
this video is a good laugh hope you enjoy it as much as i did.
and here is the trailer to them film.
Friday, September 25, 2009
a waste
The last few months I have been living with this couple.
Yeah, you know, the kind who buy everything in doubles. They fit together, like a puzzle.
And I love their love and I am thankful that someone actually
receives the prize that was promised by all those fairy tales that drugged us.
And they still do me. I'm sick, lonely, no laurel tree, just green envy.
Will my number come up eventually? Like Love is some kind of lottery,
where you can scratch and see what is underneath. It's "Sorry",
just one cherry, "Play Again." Get lucky. - Bright Eyes from Waist Of Paint
So this song is amazing by the way everything by Bright Eyes is amazing. this song brings up today's topic of my post Love and Fairy Tales.
It is so true its so hard to find a love that is like a fairy tail. We find love but its nothing compared to the epic and classic stories that drugged us since we are little children. we sit expecting more than we have or that we'll ever get.Just last night or this morning you could say, i couldn't sleep at all this has been a regular occurrence. So i had been talking to my ex the whole night both of us not being able to sleep its around 4 in the morning and i decide to call it a night. then around 4:45 i swore i heard a tap on my window so i sit and listen... and nothing. My mind must be playing tricks on me because as i was listening for an other knock my mind began to wander thinking maybe that was so and so at my window on a horse with flowers.. no wait there was no horse or flowers. but he's standing there telling me he's sorry and he can't live with out me and that most of all he loves me and it genuine and true. but no these things never happen. they are just let downs brought on my our subconscious. I don't mean to sound like a pessimist. Just i've never been to lucky with love. i'm on the same page as Conner on this... as if love is like some lottery. waiting for our number to come up.. scratch and see, that you lose. but still at the beginning of the line it talks about those who are lucky to receive that love... the love that we all want and need. I've seen it, so it is true. I'm not asking for a fairy tail love story... I'm just asking for something real.
anyway i must sound like a giant sap. i' normally not like this, i'm mostly content on my own but as of late i've been wanting more i'm not quite sure what it is.. but some thing feels missing.
And try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart and my absent God
and I have no faith but it is all I want,and to be loved and to love and believe in my soul, in my soul...
the last few lines of the song get me every time.
well here is a video to the song enjoy.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
ahh times a billon
once again i find myself not being able to sleep... its quite normal to me now.
anyway i've had quite an interesting day...
i felt as if i was going to die...
my whole body ached or maybe was soar so i've been going to the gym. i know it's a miracle i haven't been to the gym in years. i kept getting the chills.and to top it all off i've also have had a runny nose for a week now.(no fun) this was all day at work.
so then i got home from work thought a shower would help me feel better. okay some might think a bath would feel better.. but i've never liked them. the thought of one sitting in ones filth, ewe. it can't be too clean..i don't know.. it's not appealing to me at all... for some reason it weirds me out when guys like baths. i don't know.. just weird. but yeah the hot shower helped i felt a lot better. then i get a text from my dear friend inviting me to go to a movie with her and her fiance and she suggested that i invite my ex. i being apprehensive, not really wanting to. this boy broke my heart okay. i didn't really want to see him.. even though we still talk every now and then. but he and my friends fiance have a bromance going on. they love each other i swear. so i thought okay.. might as well invite him he probably won't come anyway. i don't hate him.. it wouldn't hurt.. any way ex says yes to the offer... wow i'm already getting sick of writing... so i'll shorten it. meet up at friends, awkward hello. leave to movies i was supposed to drive. yet ex offered.. ex drove friend makes me sit in passenger seat. still a little awkward... i make thing awkward...anyway watched the movie. friend left with fiance since we met him there. drove back with ex. not much talking. ex says "i want to talk." i've come to the conclusion i really don't like those words. so we talked... ex wants to get back together... okay i can be quite stubborn at times. i can't go back to someone i can't fully believe in, in a heartbeat. i need my time i move slow. very slow to be exact. ask anyone that knows me. so i'm baffled... mixed feelings. ex might be reading this.. i don't know. all and all i need time to think things though we can still be friends. if you can't deal with that at the moment then you really don't want me. that's the way i look at it.
anyway strange day. this by far is the most random post that i've ever posted. i don't give out daily personal stories to people really. yup i think im done writing now. buh bye.
anyway i've had quite an interesting day...
i felt as if i was going to die...
my whole body ached or maybe was soar so i've been going to the gym. i know it's a miracle i haven't been to the gym in years. i kept getting the chills.and to top it all off i've also have had a runny nose for a week now.(no fun) this was all day at work.
so then i got home from work thought a shower would help me feel better. okay some might think a bath would feel better.. but i've never liked them. the thought of one sitting in ones filth, ewe. it can't be too clean..i don't know.. it's not appealing to me at all... for some reason it weirds me out when guys like baths. i don't know.. just weird. but yeah the hot shower helped i felt a lot better. then i get a text from my dear friend inviting me to go to a movie with her and her fiance and she suggested that i invite my ex. i being apprehensive, not really wanting to. this boy broke my heart okay. i didn't really want to see him.. even though we still talk every now and then. but he and my friends fiance have a bromance going on. they love each other i swear. so i thought okay.. might as well invite him he probably won't come anyway. i don't hate him.. it wouldn't hurt.. any way ex says yes to the offer... wow i'm already getting sick of writing... so i'll shorten it. meet up at friends, awkward hello. leave to movies i was supposed to drive. yet ex offered.. ex drove friend makes me sit in passenger seat. still a little awkward... i make thing awkward...anyway watched the movie. friend left with fiance since we met him there. drove back with ex. not much talking. ex says "i want to talk." i've come to the conclusion i really don't like those words. so we talked... ex wants to get back together... okay i can be quite stubborn at times. i can't go back to someone i can't fully believe in, in a heartbeat. i need my time i move slow. very slow to be exact. ask anyone that knows me. so i'm baffled... mixed feelings. ex might be reading this.. i don't know. all and all i need time to think things though we can still be friends. if you can't deal with that at the moment then you really don't want me. that's the way i look at it.
anyway strange day. this by far is the most random post that i've ever posted. i don't give out daily personal stories to people really. yup i think im done writing now. buh bye.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
looking for my Bill Murray
so i really want to recreate this image from one of my favorite films Lost In Translation, i love it... i've got the wig all i need i a man to be in the shot. Any takers? Will you be my Bill Murray?
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