Thursday, December 31, 2009

the end

Year 2009 is coming to an end
I'd like to recap on the fun times i had... The slew of concerts: The Ting Tings(by far the funnest concert ever, oh and the Hot Tubs... Crazy smelly dancer), 311, Ziggy Marley, Incubus, The Duke Spirit, The Fray, Jacks Mannequin, Bon Iver, Jenny Lewis, Iron & Wine and Okkervil River. Vegas Trip. Ghost Hunting. Scavenger Hunt Date Night. Liquid Joe's 80's Cover Band (when we thought it was going to be a dance party). Talking On The Phone For 12 Hours Straight. Nickelcade. Dance Parties. Fort Building. The Rodeo. Camping Out On Left Field. Bowling. Harry Potter, X-men and The Watchmen Angels and Demons(even though i fell asleep) Premieres. Festival Of Colors. India Fest. Baking Adam's Birthday Cake. The Park. San Fransisco Trip. Going To The Salt Flats For The First Time.Jay and I Buying Our Bikes. Bike Rides. St. George. Full Moon Lift Ride. The Coffee Brake. Getting Lost In The Fog Driving Up The Canyon. Kite Flying Sunday. Jalynn and Kazj's Wedding. My Little Nieces Being Born.

None of this would have been possible without my amazing friends and family. Love you all I hope 2010 will be even better.

Below are just random Polaroids taken through out the year. Enjoy.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

nothing better

So my current obsession with this song is growing and growing the more i hear it... I love the postal service... the video is no good so just close your eyes and let the music take you over. Enjoy.


self portrait,watercolor.

Its a cold snowy day... i didn't have to work so i decided to stay in all day so thought i should make my day somewhat productive. So i began painting. I did this today after attempting to paint a portrait of Thom Yorke which is failing miserably. anyway good day... hopefully more paintings to come.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

food for thought

I've noticed a trend to my blogging. Seems to me that i only post things frequently after my heart has been broken. why is this so? not too certain... but if i can take a guess. more free time away from that certain person of interest =alone time, being heart broken = pain which adds fuel to my creativity, being without that person makes me feel empty = lots of thinking to fill the spaces= no sleep = me writing posts at 3 in the morning.

So boys keep braking my heart.
no please don't

Half Tinted

I'm caving in...
Buying them after i get my paycheck.

sources: Danny Roberts

a void

do you ever wake up in the morning feeling empty
breathing feels (use)less
just passes through your lungs

deep breaths leave you
L o n g i n g

for more of what you cant have

yet you still wake up and smile and push through the day
tears have all vanished and
replaced with fears


just a void

this emptiness bring
something that i love and miss


it makes me want to brake past this destitution
and prove that
i am more
The Hollow Men

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

still in love with my darling little Nicki

Nicki is my dearest friend and today she turns 22... I love you much my little hippie, gangster lover of a friend. may you achieve many things that you wish to this year. I know you can. Love you girl. Now lets party.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

quiero que me quieras

The now infamous Cheap Trick cover song off the brand new soundtrack to Rudo y Cursi.The film's character Tato "El Cursi" Verduzco (played by Gael Garcia Bernal) sings the track. I'm thinking i really need to see this movie i love Gael Garcia Bernal.

this video is a good laugh hope you enjoy it as much as i did.

and here is the trailer to them film.

saying, it hurts... a little everyday

Friday, September 25, 2009

a waste

The last few months I have been living with this couple.
Yeah, you know, the kind who buy everything in doubles. They fit together, like a puzzle.
And I love their love and I am thankful that someone actually
receives the prize that was promised by all those fairy tales that drugged us.
And they still do me. I'm sick, lonely, no laurel tree, just green envy.
Will my number come up eventually? Like Love is some kind of lottery,
where you can scratch and see what is underneath. It's "Sorry",
just one cherry, "Play Again." Get lucky. - Bright Eyes from Waist Of Paint

So this song is amazing by the way everything by Bright Eyes is amazing. this song brings up today's topic of my post Love and Fairy Tales.

It is so true its so hard to find a love that is like a fairy tail. We find love but its nothing compared to the epic and classic stories that drugged us since we are little children. we sit expecting more than we have or that we'll ever get.Just last night or this morning you could say, i couldn't sleep at all this has been a regular occurrence. So i had been talking to my ex the whole night both of us not being able to sleep its around 4 in the morning and i decide to call it a night. then around 4:45 i swore i heard a tap on my window so i sit and listen... and nothing. My mind must be playing tricks on me because as i was listening for an other knock my mind began to wander thinking maybe that was so and so at my window on a horse with flowers.. no wait there was no horse or flowers. but he's standing there telling me he's sorry and he can't live with out me and that most of all he loves me and it genuine and true. but no these things never happen. they are just let downs brought on my our subconscious. I don't mean to sound like a pessimist. Just i've never been to lucky with love. i'm on the same page as Conner on this... as if love is like some lottery. waiting for our number to come up.. scratch and see, that you lose. but still at the beginning of the line it talks about those who are lucky to receive that love... the love that we all want and need. I've seen it, so it is true. I'm not asking for a fairy tail love story... I'm just asking for something real.
anyway i must sound like a giant sap. i' normally not like this, i'm mostly content on my own but as of late i've been wanting more i'm not quite sure what it is.. but some thing feels missing.

And try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart and my absent God
and I have no faith but it is all I want,and to be loved and to love and believe in my soul, in my soul...

the last few lines of the song get me every time.

well here is a video to the song enjoy.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

ahh times a billon

once again i find myself not being able to sleep... its quite normal to me now.

anyway i've had quite an interesting day...
i felt as if i was going to die...
my whole body ached or maybe was soar so i've been going to the gym. i know it's a miracle i haven't been to the gym in years. i kept getting the chills.and to top it all off i've also have had a runny nose for a week now.(no fun) this was all day at work.

so then i got home from work thought a shower would help me feel better. okay some might think a bath would feel better.. but i've never liked them. the thought of one sitting in ones filth, ewe. it can't be too clean..i don't know.. it's not appealing to me at all... for some reason it weirds me out when guys like baths. i don't know.. just weird. but yeah the hot shower helped i felt a lot better. then i get a text from my dear friend inviting me to go to a movie with her and her fiance and she suggested that i invite my ex. i being apprehensive, not really wanting to. this boy broke my heart okay. i didn't really want to see him.. even though we still talk every now and then. but he and my friends fiance have a bromance going on. they love each other i swear. so i thought okay.. might as well invite him he probably won't come anyway. i don't hate him.. it wouldn't hurt.. any way ex says yes to the offer... wow i'm already getting sick of writing... so i'll shorten it. meet up at friends, awkward hello. leave to movies i was supposed to drive. yet ex offered.. ex drove friend makes me sit in passenger seat. still a little awkward... i make thing awkward...anyway watched the movie. friend left with fiance since we met him there. drove back with ex. not much talking. ex says "i want to talk." i've come to the conclusion i really don't like those words. so we talked... ex wants to get back together... okay i can be quite stubborn at times. i can't go back to someone i can't fully believe in, in a heartbeat. i need my time i move slow. very slow to be exact. ask anyone that knows me. so i'm baffled... mixed feelings. ex might be reading this.. i don't know. all and all i need time to think things though we can still be friends. if you can't deal with that at the moment then you really don't want me. that's the way i look at it.

anyway strange day. this by far is the most random post that i've ever posted. i don't give out daily personal stories to people really. yup i think im done writing now. buh bye.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

looking for my Bill Murray

so i really want to recreate this image from one of my favorite films Lost In Translation, i love it... i've got the wig all i need i a man to be in the shot. Any takers? Will you be my Bill Murray?


Tuesday, September 22, 2009


So i can't seem to fall asleep tonight... i feel as if i have ADD at the moment. my mind is going in a thousand different directions. so the blog below and this one as well(which are of no importance) are just created by pure boredom. Not saying that the rest of my posts are of importance anyway.

Yeah... so i've been thinking that i really need to start painting again or writing, what this blog was originally supposed to contain. But my brain has been lacking the creativity and intellect. sad i know. but what's a girl to do? I've been getting inspiration from written word, music(spoken word maybe more like sung word or played emotions... maybe)and people watching... i'm a great watcher of personages. yes yes i am. So i'm thinking of busting out my little sketchbook which i have left to collect dust up on my desk, and begin sketching and writing once more.

Anyway sorry for this random tangent, and don't be surprised if i don't post thing from my sketchbook... because the odds of me actually starting up again are slim. but i will try and i hope you will like it... yes you. the one person reading my blog. yup that would be you Nicki... ha ha. if you do read this and your name is not Nicki,please say hello. if your name is Nicki you can still say hello.. i wont be mad.

Well over and out.

P.S. remind me never to post again when its almost 3am.


Sunday, September 20, 2009

New Leaves

So if you don't know i love vinyl records and today before having to go into work i decided to check out Graywhale... I love Graywhale they have a great variety of music and their vinyl stock isn't that bad. They also have very friendly employees. All and all i love Graywhale.

Okay back to what i really wanted to say, perks of buy vinyl is that LP's (aka vinyl records) are released before CD's... Lucky me i was able to get Owen latest album New Leaves which release date is September 22... Okay not super early but I'm excited.

Anyway here is the video check it out.

Saturday, September 19, 2009


I love Wes Anderson and Roald Dahl this movie will be FANTASTIC.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

breaking out

I've never wanted Acne this bad

Friday, September 11, 2009

A Memory

Another wasted love story

It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much.

I love these quotes from the movie 2 Days in Paris...
I have a hard time letting others know what i feel or think. I find i can easily connect how i feel through lyrics from songs or quotes. Anyway this is how i feel.

When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story.

When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost.

Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well.

There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses.

Friday, August 28, 2009

alive... kinda

just a quick update since I haven't posted in so long.(sorry)

I had a Land Rover...Now I don't.
But now own a Nissan Versa.(not my dream car but its a new car)

I had a boyfriend...Now I don't.
But still have mixed feelings about it all.(overall I'm doing fine)

My hair is growing.(kinda boring)

I had one job...Now i have two.
But I'm still broke. (yay... NOT)

umm yup those are all the changes that have gone on that i can think of. Kinda boring but it's life.

Sunday, June 14, 2009


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